BOOK

I finally published something. Since I was a child, one moment I always looked forward to (for I knew it was coming the first time I lost myself in a story) was the moment when I would hold my first published work in my hand. Such a feeling of love washed over me as I held that creation....my poetry book Eternity of Wishes. Yes, you might say I am being dramatic, but to look at my ISBN number, and to see the little c with the circle around it...and to know that my burst of emotion is now encapsulated in this small thing....this beautiful work...borne of the deepest agonies I have ever experienced and some of the most incredible joys.....dear God, what an awesome and special moment!


http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/wanderingmystic

New Start Old Self

I seem to have found my rhythm so to speak, these days. Miracles are happening all around me, and I have strengthened my intuitive capabilities so much that I no longer feel recognize them! I am amazed at the things that I manifest almost on a daily basis now. It never used to be this easy, that I could just meditate and call on the powers-that-be and they would shower me with untold gifts. That was so not the life I was used to....the intensity of gratefulness quells my appetite and literally has me floating....

Eternity of Wishes (April 1993)

We grew up far apart
Two soulmates who never found our way
To the light of knowing
You were seventeen- a man of purpose-
I met you- all trembling hands and stuttering voice
Ignored in a sea of faces
Faces attached to minds that couldn't see your essence
I was fifteen- shy and yet confident
As I threaded my way to the front
Of the sweaty squealing crowd
That humid southern April day
Little me among the huntresses-
A barrier of wood between us, your persona
Fanning out like smoke from a fire
Encasing your private self
And hiding you from prying hand and eye
So many wishing wells in those days-
They appeared everywhere
Those alabaster reminders that only silver or gold
Would sway the Quiet Watcher of us all
I tossed my coins in, praying for you
Praying for me
Praying that somehow we could one day shake hands
And smile in delight at our friendship
My heart still holds fast to the hope
That an eternity of wishes will bring you to me
That the purest love will show that we are one

**** special note to you JL - I thank you for bringing your special brand of magic to the world and I hope that you will "follow" Mystic717 -you're missing out on a good friend ;-)

The Fire - Poem - 11/30/07

It doesn't matter that it's crazy
Or that it isn't right
I feel wildly alive
On fire at your touch
It's like nothing I've ever felt before
Passion unwavering
Sweetness that steals my breath
I loved you before Love had a name
I breathed you before I lived
We burn together
Souls aligned once more

Everytime I Say I Love You - Poem - 11/11/04

Everytime I say I love you
I lose a little piece of me
His eyes don't blink
He doesn't answer
And an echo in my mind says "no"
I know it's pointless, even stupid
To let go is harder than I imagined
But everytime I see him
The words are in my heart
And I can't be a prisoner of silence
I look after him as he walks away
Trying to remain impassive
But-
Everytime I say I love you
I lose the most important part of me

Untitled - Poem - 11/20/07

If I should push
I'm well aware
You're a stubborn wall of ice
But if I should fly
I see you care
And you try to hold me still
Your heart cries its strangled cry
You ask without asking
Plead with soundless voice
Hands I try to grip
Slip away in the darkness
I find you again and hold you upright
Your smile is pained
Yet it glows dimly
And now your grip is deadly
I see it all in your eyes so plainly
A heart that staggers and has no reprieve
But it's mine
So it's safe
For always

King of the Sun and Moon - Poem - 7/1/05

He's a lonely soldier
Blonde and sea-eyed, and not much older
Than a casual frat-boy on the brink of Adult
A beautiful specimen
With a heart spun from gold
And hands that create miracles
His soul is far from home, one can tell
He's a faraway dream walking among us
But he rules all he surveys
The landscape of my heart and still more
He's the King of the Sun and Moon
Like a god and like a child
Strikes without warning and without malice
He grants me my wishes and takes nothing away

(Dedicated to MW, and to the truest love I've found)

Why Is It Never Me? Poem 5/1/02

The glass slipper by Cinderella worn
The starry skies over love-knit moment
The smile to greet me at morning’s touch
Why is it never me
Who sees such simple glories?
Diamond ring full of promise
Secret stroke in between attention spasms
A flower and paper note to share
Why is it never me
Who sees these things?
A heartfelt vow
A gaze so full of forever thoughts
Why is it never me?

The Fondness of Memory – Poem 5/1/02

Ah the fondness of memory
Sweeping over years of tumult
In a life scarcely graced by the hand of love
Painful moments captured
In a frozen hourglass
Too weak to feel alive
Too tired to stand on their own

When Will Never Be Ever? – Poem 5/1/02

When will never be ever?
I ask myself
Solemnity my colorless mask
Tears of frustrated agony seeping
I am tried and true but my efforts are not
When you eclipse all that has meaning
When will never be ever?
The door will close on a tortured love
That should never have seen the light of day
But never will soon become forever
And I will wilt like flowers on a grave

The Disappearing Man – Poem – 12/11/08

You’re here for a moment, then you’re gone
Just when I thought you’d stay you moved on
So I act as if the end is already here
Sick to my stomach with unsettling fears
Can’t eat, don’t want to call your phone
Assuming you’re probably happier alone
You play me for a fool, the disappearing man
Cowering in silence with closed hands
How many times have you ignored me this week
How many times did you wish you could speak
And say to me, I prefer you to let me be
Trapped in my murkiness and sullen insecurity
All I know of your heart is a song by Tool
You push as I pull, you claw me away, being cruel
I face another bleak December – you detached
I had such a joyous November – thought I was matched
Up with someone who wanted me in his heartlight
Instead of someone who would rather just write
Me off and pretend that I never existed
Your love is just so twisted

Night Is Where The Truth Comes From – Song 8/25/07

I’m lookin’ at the clock sayin’ 2 am
You’re sleepin so peaceful beside me
But there’s that little voice singin’ again
The one that’s startin’ to chide me
It’s sayin’ your love is in a blackout
It’s sayin’ your love is in a hole
And nothin’s ever gonna be the same

When the moon is high that’s when the soul starts a talkin’
There’s nothin’ you can do to stop that flow
When the stars are out your memory starts a walkin’
And now I’ve gone and done a big Uh Oh!
It doesn’t matter what you say in the light of sun
‘Cause night is where the truth comes from

I’m lookin’ at the ring on my hand
Wonderin’ what I’ve been doin’
Desperately hopin’ that you’re the right man
But somethin’ troublin’ is brewin’
It’s sayin’ I didn’t get the message
It’s sayin’ I’m makin’ a mistake
And I’ve got little time to make it right

When the moon is high that’s when the soul starts a talkin’
There’s nothin’ you can do to stop that flow
When the stars are out your memory starts a walkin’
And now I’ve gone and done the big Uh Oh!
It doesn’t matter what you say in the light of sun
‘Cause night is where the truth comes from

I left you at the altar oh yeah I’m crass
But that memory showed up on the doorstep
With time slippin’ through the hourglass
I broke all the promises I kept
Heart’s sayin’ honey I’m so sorry
Heart’s sayin’ honey I feel bad
But still my heart is sayin’ welcome back to the greatest love I ever had!
Honey I know you say it’ ain’t right
Honey I know you’ve seen the light
But honey, I’m someone ELSE’s honey, and you can blame it on the night!

When the moon is high that’s when the soul starts a talkin’
There’s nothin’ you can do to stop that flow
When the stars are out your memory starts a walkin’
And now I’ve gone and done the big Uh Oh!
It doesn’t matter what you say in the light of sun
‘Cause night is where the truth comes from

My Reincarnation – Song/Poem 2007

In my last life, I made so many mistakes
It’s time to make it right I know
In this life, I’ll do whatever it takes
To try and heal your sorrow
You said that I used you, I abused you,
“You were expendable to me”
You said I cursed your whole damned life
It’s unthinkable to me
But I’m holding your hand now,
Loving with all I’m worth
I never quite learned how, but today is my rebirth
I’ll give you anything and everything,
If you’ll just be patient……with me
You are the greatest part of my reincarnation

I wandered, so lost, could not find your light
It’s a miracle I’m even here
I saw your tears fall late in the night
I prayed to God I could appear
I’d hold you, would’ve told you,
“You’re indispensable to me”
Fear made things impossible,
Oh how I wished you’d see
But I’m holding your hand now,
Loving with all I’m worth
I never quite learned how, but today is my rebirth
I’d still do anything and everything; my life is yours just take it….from me
You are the greatest part of my reincarnation

We’ve lived a thousand lives you and I, a powerful testament
To a bond we should have cultivated more
The lesson we learned is that this love we have is heaven-sent
I can’t bear for you to ever close this door….on me

Apprentice and master, no reason no rhyme
Why must we always do this dance?
Faster and faster, we spin out of time
Are we going to lose this chance?
You taught me, and you fought me, gave me all you had
You spent it all unselfishly, or were you simply mad!
But I’m holding you up now,
Bleeding love as you bled
I wish I could learn how
To resurrect what’s dead
I’ll still give you anything and everything; the choice is yours just make it….you’ll see
You are the greatest part of my reincarnation

For the man that I love...the essence of us

Death of the Crystalline (6/16/10)

Those cruel and selfish men
In their race for all the profit
They've killed my crystalline dream
The place where I felt content
Safely ensconced in its blue womb
Will it be no more?
Creatures of the deep breathe black
Death is swift - so merciless-
Waves pulsing over crimson-stained sand
Apocalyptic imaginings

Of Those Friends Loved and Lost (6/16/10)

I have loved so deeply, my heart singing at mere mention of a name
Each one entered in a brilliant firestorm
Throwing open doors I never knew existed
Teacher and student, they gave to me parts of myself from long
before I had a name
They cast me out, hands pushing me far away, leaving purple bruises
The harder they pushed, the harder my heart held on, because my eyes
Could see the glory of their souls
Beyond the lies, beyond the well-crafted plots,
Beyond the carefully premeditated exits, I saw Them.
And they saw me.
But still chose an End.

My California (6/16/10)

Where emerald palms do sway
And stone steps stand so gallantly
A part of me waits for her
A sea full of whispers
She carries my secret prayers
It was long ago when I floated
Through this land of smoke and mirror
It was never the intoxication of wealth and fame
That drew me here
But the sensation of a dream fulfilled
A fragrant promise that I would find
My deepest soul and forever be at peace

Fourteen (6/16/10)

I lived inside a pen in those times
Writing my life away as I teetered
On the precipice of Woman
My eyes weren't haunted yet
And the only pain I knew revolved around a crush and a broken heart
Soft plaid swishing around my legs
I could still skip and spin in circles
And the circles were still circles
And I knew the sky was blue
The sun was still yellow and I believed
That a man in a distant white palace would protect me and my family
Time still had meaning
Wasn't simply an illusion born of necessity
I lived by my class schedule and because grown-ups said
Two and Two were four it was still true, too
Fourteen was mine alone
Owned by this special but gawky adolescent whose tiny face
Was smothered by glass
It was a time for learning how to be a person and how to fight back
I was still free then
My mind belonged only to me and the Father who lived in the Ancient Book
Fourteen was a miracle of being
Real yet empty
Waiting for the canvas to be filled by dark projections
Created by my ghosts

Waking Up In Marjorie (6/20/10) - From a Dream

There was something different about her
A smile in her eyes
And a laugh in her scimitar mouth
In the way she held her fork
Poised and beautifully sure
I watched - possessive and protective - a stranger
She was breathtaking
Her perfect lunar curve
And luminescent skin
She was harmony and built for sin
And sacrament
I asked her, "Leave with me" this time when I saw her
She glowed like an apparition
While summoning the waiter,
"Water with lemon please"
Off he ran, minion to serve his Queen
She drank the drink like a dying solider in the desert
"I'm sorry I got so hot" she said to me
She drowned me in those burning eyes
And kissed me with that scimitar mouth
Later we came together as one
A sweetness I could not describe- it could not last-
A power that weakens me even now
Satin limbs pretzeled together slickly
She was a place I can't forget
Waking up in Marjorie

Small Happy Surprise

Today I discovered that one of my poems I submitted to a local holistic newsletter was chosen for the June issue. What a nice little pick-me-up! Sometimes the universe smiles on us a little. THANKS FOR THE BLESSING!

On the Oil Spill - Poem 6/5/10

The Earth-Mother cries, forlorn and unheeded
As her waters turn crimson with hate
Creatures almost too infinitesimal to be real
snuffed out like a candle

In the blackness there is poision
The vitriol of deepest greed
It goes beyond simple defacement

Murder of the cerulean harmony

There Are No Fairytales - 5/15/02

The princess kneels by the side of her fallen lover
Crimson splashes decorating her sheath
Crystal tears trickling
A whispered goblin bribe follows her to the forest glen
She prepares a sacrifice
The poison berry delicately consumed will yield an ugly end
Clasping her lover's icy fingers she sighs a final, hopeless sigh
Almost an entreaty
There are no fairytales

Blessed Adonis - 1995

His head rests neatly on a pillow of snowy white
He sleeps, peacefully, unfettered by the dreams
and deeds of day
Eyes of hazel closed tightly, fluttering as his
mind paints moving pictures of his desires
His arms, carved from a dark and nameless stone,
curl around his slack jaw
Under heaven's light he reposes, protected from
my lustful prayer
He looks serene, untouched, so pure
Yet I want him to awaken and taste me with those
tiger eyes, those soft lips, to hold me with the
rock-hard arms that are fit only for Greek gods

The Butterfly - 5/15/02

Effortless, she soars above the treetops
Beating wings like multi-colored paper
A hovering, powdery shimmer
Alighting with silken foot upon a branch
Her living body fragile as a thought

Ode to the Beauty of a Dysfx'al Relationship

8/15/09

Didn't have a plan, didn't have a shot
Chased you like the dying chases breath
Told myself, you'd go no matter what
To me the separation felt like death
In memories of hot June nights
In a fantasy created by the moon
I lost myself in your deep sea eyes
That flashed with the grey of runes
That dark July day you said we were done
The world crashed down to suffocate
I looked for strength, found there was none
You had worked so hard to cast our fate
In memories of your magic kiss
In tears that would fall forever
I lost myself in the tragedy of this
Was wordless and lacking in the clever
I hovered at the doorstep of your house
Pride broken, words fighting to come out
Your mouth tried to say goodbye
But your heart prevailed when it saw the lie
In memories of the most tender embrace
In memories of a dance so sweet
In memories of your little-boy face
I lost myself in the realm of defeat
Till one day heaven showered me with coin
No more wishing wells for me
Because you returned and in love we joined
We found our piece of eternity

Another Life

Many years ago in another life
Lived by another me
In a town whose name I can't remember
I had dreams
I saw success through un-jaded eyes
Heard the bells of accolades with unclogged ears
A writer, a singer, a psychologist
Archaeologist, or at the worst, life in a cube with a six-figure salary
A house by late twenties, a dog, horse and
Contacts, to rid me of the memories of a four-eyed youth
Travel and responsible dealings
Donations to charity that I could afford
Now --
A failed experiment, the tests marked with bloody slashes
Rivers of tears that don't release but drown me and sting me with their salts
Anchors - yes- there are three but frustrated anchors they must be
I know life is a work-in-progress, a painting with layers we can't even see
But mine can't decide why it looks like Picasso when the blueprint was for Norman Rockwell

Unfamiliar Territory

Walking down an unfamiliar road
Carrying a familiar load
Mouth bitter with the taste of regret
Nothing makes me forget

Wandering this hostile place
Holding out a hand in case
Someone else might walk by
I can't remember why

What am I still doing here
In a land so full of fear?
No one sees the tear I cry
And a hollow train keeps going by

When life is lived in lowest gear
And noone friendly is even near
To listen to my frantic lies
That hollow train just bleats goodbye

If leaving was within my power
I'd dismantle the streets hour by hour
I'd vaporize the dirt with my hand
If only someone could understand
The way this place has invaded me
Its ugliness has jaded me

It's hard to wake up in the morning
Clad in the dreary sweater of mourning
Open your eyes and see each day is the same
Piece by piece you're losing the game

The forecast here is always the same
Partly cloudy with a chance of pain
Nothing to do nothing to see
Is this day-to-day slumber all life will be?

The Alpha and Omega (Poem)

Where at last I wandered
Safest in your shadow
Stunned into silence by the beauty of your words
You call to me, purely to connect me
To all that makes us holy
Echoes of a joy I cannot begin to name

You are Alpha you are Omega
The one and only oneness which I seek
You are starlight you are moonlight
You are famine you are feast

The Tree of Ceridwyn

I see her, strong brown branches that stay straight in the wind
Giving me life energy, healing my heart so frozen
She is my tree, my support, my dryad
Green leaves like raindrops fall all around me
As I weep and curl myself into her trunk
She embraces me, flowing with calm quiet power
I am safe

Ode to a Lost Soulmate

A lost fairytale
Soulmates separated by so much time
I loved you as only I could
With sweet abandon, purest of the pure
With stars showering me I offered
My heart to your heaven
Never afraid of the future
All eyes and mouth, smile to power 1,000 suns
Bodies sang in ancient karma sutra rhythms
The dream was torn apart
Space between the bodies grew and smothered
Fifteen to Twenty Twenty to now---
I no longer harbor a betrayed belief
That we will find our way back to the story
Back to the antideluvian harmony
When we danced beside the faeries in the wood

God Is The Only Employer that Matters

When we're looking for a job in this society, or looking to build a career for ourselves, we often only think of the money and our survial instinct. It has been shown to me by a very wise man, and through my spiritual journeying, that we need to go even beyond wanting to love our jobs, the money, the benefits the companies may offer. In truth, we all have that "higher purpose." Our higher purpose is to connect, because, as scientists have discovered only recently in their labs, we are all joined in a web of energy and information. Our connection to the infinite, the source, All-That-Is, the I AM, God, or Goddess, must be our salve, our solution, our nourishment as we live out our physical experiences on this plane of existence. Instead of saying "what can you do to serve me, God/Universe?" or "I need a job, a career" I have learned that I need to ask "How can I serve You?" We need to say "Send me the people who may need my help so that I may be of benefit to them. Direct me where to go so that they will be able to find me and allow me to minister to them." It is in recognizing that we are here to serve any and all people, we see that our higher purpose is to please the one employer that matters most, the Creator.

I Let Go - Song (2007)

I Let Go

I let go the phantom love we witnessed
The secrets that I told to keep you here
The joy of making love to you
The first time we kissed
Let it go, I let it go

You weren't mine to keep in the beginning
You belonged to the world and I couldn't see
That there was no way that I'd be winning
The race to free you so you could stay with me

I let go the phantom love we witnessed
The secrets that I told to keep you here
The joy of making love to you
The first time we kissed
Let it go, I let it go

I owned a piece of you, just a little something
A tatter of the soul that I once knew
I don't know much but I know one thing
Your memory will linger my whole life through

You were an angel, an apparition
My fantasy, my great petition
I needed more than just your shadow
I needed reality, had to stop the wishing

I Know That I Can Shine For You - poem (2009)

I Know That I Can Shine For You

I walked alone, always hiding from your light
I was too ashamed to show you who I've been
There were too many times when I took to flight
I couldn't see you had come and washed away my sin

And I know that I can shine for you
Although I might be full of dust
This heart can learn to live its prayer
I feel this time I know what to do
As I clean off all of the rust
I can show you that I still can care

Played the music slow so I could hear your key
And waited for me, till I learned all the steps
Opened up these sightless eyes to harmony
I felt so much joy inside that I nearly wept

And I know that I can shine for you
Although I might be full of dust
This heart can learn to live its prayer
I feel this time I know what to do
As I clean off all of the rust
I can show you that I still can care

One day when someone's footsteps fell behind me
I knew they were the ones I'd waited for
A promise filled my mouth that then would bind me
I never truly learned that love was so much more

******* I wrote this for someone very very special to me, the man I love. ************************