Ode to the Beauty of a Dysfx'al Relationship

8/15/09

Didn't have a plan, didn't have a shot
Chased you like the dying chases breath
Told myself, you'd go no matter what
To me the separation felt like death
In memories of hot June nights
In a fantasy created by the moon
I lost myself in your deep sea eyes
That flashed with the grey of runes
That dark July day you said we were done
The world crashed down to suffocate
I looked for strength, found there was none
You had worked so hard to cast our fate
In memories of your magic kiss
In tears that would fall forever
I lost myself in the tragedy of this
Was wordless and lacking in the clever
I hovered at the doorstep of your house
Pride broken, words fighting to come out
Your mouth tried to say goodbye
But your heart prevailed when it saw the lie
In memories of the most tender embrace
In memories of a dance so sweet
In memories of your little-boy face
I lost myself in the realm of defeat
Till one day heaven showered me with coin
No more wishing wells for me
Because you returned and in love we joined
We found our piece of eternity

Another Life

Many years ago in another life
Lived by another me
In a town whose name I can't remember
I had dreams
I saw success through un-jaded eyes
Heard the bells of accolades with unclogged ears
A writer, a singer, a psychologist
Archaeologist, or at the worst, life in a cube with a six-figure salary
A house by late twenties, a dog, horse and
Contacts, to rid me of the memories of a four-eyed youth
Travel and responsible dealings
Donations to charity that I could afford
Now --
A failed experiment, the tests marked with bloody slashes
Rivers of tears that don't release but drown me and sting me with their salts
Anchors - yes- there are three but frustrated anchors they must be
I know life is a work-in-progress, a painting with layers we can't even see
But mine can't decide why it looks like Picasso when the blueprint was for Norman Rockwell

Unfamiliar Territory

Walking down an unfamiliar road
Carrying a familiar load
Mouth bitter with the taste of regret
Nothing makes me forget

Wandering this hostile place
Holding out a hand in case
Someone else might walk by
I can't remember why

What am I still doing here
In a land so full of fear?
No one sees the tear I cry
And a hollow train keeps going by

When life is lived in lowest gear
And noone friendly is even near
To listen to my frantic lies
That hollow train just bleats goodbye

If leaving was within my power
I'd dismantle the streets hour by hour
I'd vaporize the dirt with my hand
If only someone could understand
The way this place has invaded me
Its ugliness has jaded me

It's hard to wake up in the morning
Clad in the dreary sweater of mourning
Open your eyes and see each day is the same
Piece by piece you're losing the game

The forecast here is always the same
Partly cloudy with a chance of pain
Nothing to do nothing to see
Is this day-to-day slumber all life will be?

The Alpha and Omega (Poem)

Where at last I wandered
Safest in your shadow
Stunned into silence by the beauty of your words
You call to me, purely to connect me
To all that makes us holy
Echoes of a joy I cannot begin to name

You are Alpha you are Omega
The one and only oneness which I seek
You are starlight you are moonlight
You are famine you are feast

The Tree of Ceridwyn

I see her, strong brown branches that stay straight in the wind
Giving me life energy, healing my heart so frozen
She is my tree, my support, my dryad
Green leaves like raindrops fall all around me
As I weep and curl myself into her trunk
She embraces me, flowing with calm quiet power
I am safe

Ode to a Lost Soulmate

A lost fairytale
Soulmates separated by so much time
I loved you as only I could
With sweet abandon, purest of the pure
With stars showering me I offered
My heart to your heaven
Never afraid of the future
All eyes and mouth, smile to power 1,000 suns
Bodies sang in ancient karma sutra rhythms
The dream was torn apart
Space between the bodies grew and smothered
Fifteen to Twenty Twenty to now---
I no longer harbor a betrayed belief
That we will find our way back to the story
Back to the antideluvian harmony
When we danced beside the faeries in the wood

God Is The Only Employer that Matters

When we're looking for a job in this society, or looking to build a career for ourselves, we often only think of the money and our survial instinct. It has been shown to me by a very wise man, and through my spiritual journeying, that we need to go even beyond wanting to love our jobs, the money, the benefits the companies may offer. In truth, we all have that "higher purpose." Our higher purpose is to connect, because, as scientists have discovered only recently in their labs, we are all joined in a web of energy and information. Our connection to the infinite, the source, All-That-Is, the I AM, God, or Goddess, must be our salve, our solution, our nourishment as we live out our physical experiences on this plane of existence. Instead of saying "what can you do to serve me, God/Universe?" or "I need a job, a career" I have learned that I need to ask "How can I serve You?" We need to say "Send me the people who may need my help so that I may be of benefit to them. Direct me where to go so that they will be able to find me and allow me to minister to them." It is in recognizing that we are here to serve any and all people, we see that our higher purpose is to please the one employer that matters most, the Creator.